Seasons

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot..."  Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

Lately I have been thinking a lot about seasons.  Nature, life, relationships - they all have seasons, a natural order of things.  Each season brings with it preparation for what is to come, and reminders of what has been.

In nature, the current season is Autumn here in the United States.  That brings cooler weather, bright colored leaves falling to the ground, pumpkins and harvest parties and apple cider, football, Thanksgiving, and preparation for winter.

In life, I guess my current season is somewhere around Spring - possibly summer, although I feel like I'm not quite there yet... I am young but I am growing and maturing and growing roots deep into the foundations that my parents and mentors have given to me.

In my relationship with God, however, I am in an interesting season now, or so it seems to me.  This seems to be a season of tearing down, of throwing out, of uprooting things that have grown in places they should not be.  A season of purification, correction, and discipline.... a season of preparation.

Sunday started the season of Advent, or the joyful preparation and expectation of the arrival of Christ - both in his birth those many years ago, and in his triumphant return.  Each new year that I celebrate Advent, it is dearer and more special to me.  This year, I find it touching that while I am in a season of preparation and purification, the time has come for the church to begin a season of joyful preparation as well.  It feels personal this year.

I was reading in Leviticus about the scape goat sacrifice.  Have you read about that before?  I feel as if I had, but for some reason, it never hit home for me like it did recently.

Leviticus 16:20-22 “When Aaron has finished making atonement for the Most Holy Place, the tent of meeting and the altar, he shall bring forward the live goat. He is to lay both hands on the head of the live goat and confess over it all the wickedness and rebellion of the Israelites—all their sins—and put them on the goat’s head. He shall send the goat away into the wilderness in the care of someone appointed for the task. The goat will carry on itself all their sins to a remote place; and the man shall release it in the wilderness."

In a devotional I was reading, it said to imagine being Aaron and having a live goat in front of you - the devotional suggested that, if you had a pet, to place your hands on the pet in the same way Aaron was instructed by God, and to "confess to God your acts of rebellion, your bad attitudes, and your harsh thoughts about others." and to try and experience the feeling of transferring your sins to this animal.
Now, this isn't the way that things work today - we know this - but the devotional was trying to get me to grasp the gravity of this action - and I got it.

I was sitting next to my sweet Daphne, and I couldn't do it - I couldn't imagine transferring my sins to her, because she didn't do anything wrong.  She was not responsible - I was.  I tried to conceptualize being in that place with Aaron and transferring sins to a goat, but I couldn't do that either.  That goat was innocent, too.  The thought brought tears to my eyes.  The scape goat wasn't even killed.  It was led off into the wilderness and set free.  But my scape goat - he was killed.  He died a terrible, painful, humiliating death for sins that he did not commit.  When I think about that - that the son of God, the creator of the Universe - took my sin and my shame and my humiliation and died for me?  I love him more... and I love me less... and I know how much I need him, and how much his sacrifice means for me.

May you grasp the depth of his love for you during this season of your life and in this season of Advent.


♥

thank you

I get up in the middle of the night to thank you;
your decisions are so right, so true—I can't wait till morning!
I'm a friend and companion of all who fear you,
of those committed to living by your rules.
Your love, God, fills the earth!
Train me to live by your counsel.

(roughly, Psalm 119:63-64, the Message)

happy Holy Day! :)

How about some Good Friday praise and worship?

it occurred to me this morning that i have been allowing myself to become so stressed that i have stopped doing many of the things i enjoy, including napping, crafting, and blogging. i should explain that i have had such a rough work experience lately that it's been hard to think about or do much else.

however, because i am not a robot, and because i am a woman, this all work and no play job is not working out for me - which is actually been common knowledge for some time now, but i've spent months deliberating and berating myself for not being good enough, trying hard enough, being organized enough - you know the drill! - i've been trying to fit a square peg in a round hole - it's. just. not. working. out.

my husband and i were able to visit his family in ohio during the first weekend in february, and i was able to "compartmentalize" my life for that short period of time and focus on enjoying mundane activities and not allowing myself to become anxious about my job. i spent quite a bit of time in prayer that weekend, not that i hadn't been praying about it before, but i was able to really focus and spend some time there - and i literally begged for God to give me a way out.

four days later, on a particularly bad day of work, i received a job offer which i already knew i wanted to accept. i'm returning to my former employer, starting tomorrow, and will ease back into the swing of things while simultaneously stepping out of my current job... i gave them notice today.

i still have anxiety about some small things, like paying the bills ;) but... it's not eating me alive like this other anxiety has been, and i know in my heart of hearts that God has provided and will provide and i will continue to thank Him and praise Him for His provision and that He is taking care of the small stuff and the big stuff, too, because i can't do it without Him.